Collaborative Practice San Francisco

The Boy Scout/Girl Scout Law, that is.


In our sound bite society, a useful tool for collaborative practice for all of us, participants and professionals alike, might be a list of aspirational guideposts to apply to a Collaborative Divorce, creating a prenuptial agreement or resolving a civil dispute where preserving relationships is important.  Steering clear of a “Ten Commandments of Collaborative Practice”,  I give you a Collaborative Credo as inspired by the Boy and Girl Scouts of America.


I will do my best to be prepared.  

If you are the client, you need to thoroughly prepare for your meetings, both emotionally and intellectually.  You need to follow through with the tasks you’ve been given promptly and thoroughly.  If you are the professional, listen carefully, pay attention to what is happening in the room, take accurate notes, review the materials and the minutes before each meeting, and you too must follow through with the tasks you’ve been given promptly and thoroughly.


I will do my best to be honest and fair.

“Fair” is often a personal perspective and not everyone can agree on what is fair.   But if we are all honest during the process, not only in terms of providing information but honest about our goals and concerns, and true to our own sense of fairness, we can build the trust we need to succeed in the process.


I will do my best to be considerate and caring,

making sure everyone at the table is heard and understood.


I will do my best to be courageous and strong. 

“Collaborative” does not mean putting yourself last or compromising your goals and beliefs.  All participants are expected to engage fully, to speak their minds, be fully present in the meetings and to be clear about what is important to them.


I will do my best to be responsible for what I say and do. 

Blaming others and not taking responsibility for your own contribution to difficulties and challenges can stand in the way of a productive collaborative process, whether you are the client or the professional.


I will do my best to respect myself and others. 

Respect is the foundation of the collaborative process.  Respect for yourself is key to being “courageous and strong”.  Respect for others is key to being “responsible for what I say and do”. We all need to see one another as integral parts of our collaborative team whether professional or client, and appreciate each participant’s role, as well as your own, in getting to agreement.


I will do my best to use resources wisely.  

We all need to stay cognizant of – and respect the limitations of - financial resources.  Not all resources are financial, however.  Collaborative Practice offers a rich array of support for clients: financial professionals, mental health professionals, educational/vocational specialists and others.  These need to be chosen carefully and taken advantage of wisely as well.


I will do my best to make [my] world a better place

For clients, particularly in a Collaborative Divorce, it can be through thoughtful co-parenting, preserving a durable post-separation relationship, and/or modeling dignified and respectful dispute resolution for children, friends and family. For professionals in any Collaborative case, be it divorce, probate, or prenuptial negotiations, it can be through modeling dignified and respectful dispute resolution for clients, educating them about their finances and helping them build security, and/or, in a Collaborative Divorce, guiding them toward creating a healthy post-separation family.



By Jennifer Jackson


Three Legal Steps Required for Divorce in California


Thinking about divorce? Know the legal steps you need to take.

One of the first questions you may have if you’re thinking about divorce is “Do I have to go to court?” 

The answer is “No” so long as you can reach agreement with your spouse about how you’re going to divide your property and debts; how you’re each going to pay your living expenses going forward; and, if you have children, how you’re going to share parenting time and contribute to their support. You may be able to reach agreement on your own or with the help of professionals through mediation or collaborative divorce. If so, you don’t ever need to set foot inside a courtroom (something many people would prefer to avoid!), but you still need to complete the following three legal steps to get divorced.

Step 1. Start your case with the court and give your spouse notice.

The first step in the legal process of divorce in California is to file the required initial forms with the court in your county and then to serve these documents on your spouse. To “serve” means to have another adult give the papers to your spouse in the proper legal way. The two main initial forms are the Petition (form FL-100) and Summons (form FL-115). Page 2 of the Summons lists important Standard Family Law Restraining Orders regarding your assets, insurance, and your children that both you and your spouse need to follow while the divorce case is pending. Once your spouse has been served with all of the required forms, you need to file a Proof of Service of Summons (form FL-115).

This first step starts your case with the court and gives your spouse proper notice of the legal proceedings. The earliest you can be divorced is six months and one day from the date your spouse was served with the Petition and Summons.

Your spouse can then decide whether or not to file a Response (form FL-120). See “Options to Respond” at

All of the California Judicial Council forms can be found online at and some counties have additional required forms that can be found on each court’s website. 


Step 2: Exchange your financial information.

The second step in the legal process is for you and your spouse to exchange financial information. There are three forms that make up your Preliminary Declaration of Disclosure: the Declaration of Disclosure (form FL-140), Income and Expense Declaration (form FL-150), and Schedule of Assets and Debts (form FL-142). You attach copies of pay statements, account statements, and other financial documents to the forms, and you also exchange all tax returns filed by either of you in the past two years. These financial documents are not filed with the court. You do each need to file a Declaration Regarding Service (form FL-141) with the court showing that the disclosures were exchanged.


Step 3: Prepare and submit your settlement agreement and judgment paperwork.

The third step in the legal process is to prepare a written settlement agreement and the rest of the forms that make up the judgment packet. The settlement agreement describes what you and your spouse have agreed to regarding the division of your assets and debts; spousal support (alimony), if any; and, if you have children, legal custody, parenting time, and child support. A mediator or family law attorney can help you with preparing the settlement agreement. There is no form for this. Usually, the signed settlement agreement is submitted to the court as an attachment to the Judgment (form FL-180). There are also a number of other forms that need to be completed and sent to the court as part of the judgment packet. See Judgment Checklist (form FL-182). Once all of your paperwork is submitted to the court, it will be reviewed by a clerk, sent to the judge for signature, and filed, and copies will be returned to you. The Judgment will show the date that marital status is terminated, meaning your divorce is final and you are legally single again.

Of course, this article provides just a brief overview of the three main legal steps you need to complete to get a divorce in California. There are a lot of forms, and they can be intimidating! If you have questions, contact the Family Law Facilitator’s Office or Self-Help Center at your local court, or consult with a family law attorney or mediator who can help you reach agreement with your spouse and prepare all of the necessary paperwork.



WHERE: The San Francisco Jewish Community Center, 3200 California Street, San Francisco, CA.

WHEN: Saturdays in 2019 from 9:30am-12:30pm on:  
April 6, May 4, June 1, July 6, August 3, September 7, October 5, November 2, December 7.

COST: $45 – pre-registration is not necessary – just show up.

A divorce attorney, a divorce financial specialist and a mental health professional will co-present a discussion of the four basic divorce process choices and their frequent variations and how to protect yourself legally, financially and emotionally. A divorce attorney will present a legal overview of the divorce process, a financial advisor will show you how to prepare for divorce financially, and discuss the financial and tax implications of property division and support and a mental health professional will talk about how you and your family can better cope with the stress of divorce, including strategies for communicating effectively, for rebuilding self-esteem and for insulating your children from the conflict.





Yes, it is possible to divorce wisely.wise man divorce

In our culture, we think of divorce as a war, and, like good soldiers, we start gathering up our weapons and our armor.  In divorce, as in war, though, it’s best to take a step back and think like a commander-in-chief instead of a foot soldier…or even a general.

The foot soldier has a right to be scared. It’s her life on the line, and she’s not in charge. She has to go wherever her superiors send her, with the equipment they provide. Because it’s her survival at stake, she prepares to lie, cheat and steal, to bite, kick and stab. Her goal is to kill instead of being killed, and to live through the next hour.

The general stands on the top of the hill above the battleground, so he can see the terrain. He sends out scouts to figure out exactly where the enemy is positioned and, if possible, he sends spies to try to figure out what the enemy is thinking. His goal is to win the battle and he’s aware he’ll have to sacrifice many soldiers to achieve this goal.

The wise commander-in-chief, though, has an even longer view. She’s not thinking so much of the battle as the war, and not so much of the war as the peace that will hopefully follow. And she knows that the uglier the war, the harder it will be and the longer it will take to achieve that peace which is her ultimate goal. She wants the soldiers on both sides to relax, to stand down, to stop wasting resources and start being productive citizens once again. So, if there’s a chance to parley, if there’s any way to find out what the enemy wants and how to give it to them without sacrificing her own values, she will go for it. In every decision she makes, she’s thinking, “Will this bring us closer to peace?”

It’s an all-too-human response to enter divorce like a foot soldier. We feel threatened and our bodies automatically jump to a defend and attack mindset. It can help to take a breath, to think beyond the next hour, the next day. What is your goal? Where do you want to be ten years from now? Would you like your family to be at peace? Do you want to look back on the divorce knowing that you acted wisely, and with respect and integrity?

If the answer is yes, if you’d like to figure out how to have a negotiation instead of a war, then the first step is to gather information.

 The Divorce Options Class, offered by Collaborative Divorce California at several locations throughout the state, is designed to help couples and individuals to understand the complex choice they’ll have to make at the very beginning of this journey: which process to choose for how to divorce. Every family situation is different. Having the information you need to figure out how to make a good decision is…very wise indeed.

Beth Proudfoot, LMFT

About CPSF

Collaborative Practice San Francisco is a group of professionals interested in avoiding court battles and power struggles to resolve conflicts. Our group is a multi-disciplinary, multi-field group open to all professionals interested in Collaborative conflict resolution. Read more...

Will CP work for me?

If the following values are important to you, it is likely to be a workable option:

  • I want us to communicate with a tone of respect.
  • I want to prioritize the needs of our children.
  • My needs and those of my spouse/partner require equal consideration, and I will listen objectively.

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